After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
