Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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