What a fucking waste of an outfit
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Randomize
