Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
