but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
