Kiss
Puke
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
