Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
