Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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