Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just gift wrapped bread.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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