4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
