he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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