problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
