I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize