You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
