i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
