dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
