i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
