where does the pee come out of this thing
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
did i just pee glitter
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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