I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
