he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
