he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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