I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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