so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
