Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
