Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
