'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
