if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
