hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
