using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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