just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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