he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
