Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
