I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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