And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
this hospital has no fireball
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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