I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
