Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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