How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
