i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
