"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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