Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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