FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
