no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He passed out mid-signature
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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