I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
