WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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