My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
pray to the hookup gods
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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