Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Can Purell be used as lube?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
