i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
