My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
