dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
