Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
