That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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