I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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