Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize