Nicole vs. Life
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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