At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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