Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
