and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She swung at the pinata with crutches
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
