Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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