first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
