You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
