My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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