Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize