with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
