Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
