somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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