so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
