Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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