ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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