Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
