i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
